Expatriate Observations

tambok

Registered: 2006-09-16

Argentina, being an immigrant Spanish speaking society will have a similar attitude and will lack the Complex. So, I guess, would Brazil.

Good news? Well, not everyone has the complex. There are many people who are happy to see that you speak the language and many people who will not even be surprised that you do. Many will treat you as an equal especially after they got to know you. However, when one studies languages of nations where the majority of people do not look like you, one has to get ready to face the awkwardness of it.

Places where all kinds of immigrants come to assimilate- Argentina, as I have mentioned, Brazil, I guess. And of course, the US, Canada ( with the English language) These people are used to seeing immigrants, not tourists. The attitude is- "this is Argentina, you are here now, you had better speak my language".

I became even more acutely aware of how amazing the variety of "me" became during my trip to Argentina this past summer. When I appeared on the streets of Buenos Aires, a city decorated by splendid European architects with the most ornate buildings and delicate monuments depicting Greek and Roman heroes everywhere, I myself became kind of ornate and delicate inside. I became like Buenos Aires and its very dignified and classy people. The way people responded to me was also different. They did not see me as short or poor or naive. I was seen kind of like part of the crowd and treated just like anybody else. In addition to that, I spoke Spanish to everybody. I became for all intents and purposes a completely different person, not a variation of "me" but simply a whole other "me".

A flight to South Africa and then Malaysia and then Philippines again kind of created a new "me". And when I left those countries I could not help but feel that the other me stayed behind and continued an independent existence in that place. He still got up, went around the city continued living his life long after I had left the country. Perhaps, if there are parallel universes, or universes that split up , a new universe was indeed created and an" Argentinean me" stayed there to meet some girl, get married, have kids and live a whole new life there. Maybe without being aware of it, as we choose to either return home or go to yet another country, numerous copies of us stay there, maybe not quite "there" but in some quantum replica of it. Somehow I feel that it is true but I cannot prove it.

I left Thailand in 1996 after having suffered a business setback there. After having lived in Bangkok for several years, I felt like I was part of it and it was part of me. Leaving Thailand was quite painful for me as I felt that I was leaving a whole life there which consisted of me and my Thai environment. Later, in the year 2000 I flew over Bangkok and I could not help it that the Thai me was still somewhere in that city. Perhaps I gave birth to it, created a shell of a personality that continued to live on, and maybe a whole new Thailand was created as well that forked off into some strange universe and now, in that Thailand there was the Thai speaking me, with a Thai wife, a condominium on Silom Road and a great CEO position. But another me was flying over Bangkok into Manila where I was going to become the Philippine variation of me.

A lot of things can be explained away by logical reasoning but I somehow know that even in spite of the fact that the new me has to do with a different environment, I still give birth to strange siblings of me that continue their respective destinies in those countries long after I am gone. When I return there, I may become yet another me while being aware of the fact that the other me is still in that place albeit we will never meet for it would contradict some quantum law.

Living in many countries adds many new facets to one's personality, true. It even creates different varieties of you. However, I still think that on top of that, something strange happens as well and it cannot be easily dismissed as a result of romantic imagination. Song lines such as "Still in Saigon" and "I left my heart in San Francisco" may mean a lot more than we think.

FFF- flip-flop foreigners.

I have been struggling to coin a term for this group of people and it is not about tourists in flip-flops. By triple f’s I mean people who are caught in between cultures. In the nation of Flops they are Flips and in the nations of Flips they are Flops. How so?

Take second generation immigrants in some country such as say, Japanese in Brazil. People would call them Japanese there but if they went to Japan, the Japanese would call them ‘Brazilians’. So they are Japanese in the land of thier birth and Brazilians in the land of thier ancestors . Hyphenated Americans or, especially, naturalized Americans also face a similar classification: George Soros and Arnold Schwarzenegger are often referred to as the ‘Hungarian guy’ and ‘the Austrian immigrant’, respectively. However, if they go to thier native lands , they immediately become ‘Americans’ there. So, again in your old country you are an American, but you are not really an American in your new country. Kind of weird. Almost twilight zone-like.

Many people fall into this category. British Indians for one. Malaysian Chinese, too. A British Indian may have heard “Paki go home!” numerous times but he cannot do so. If he went 'home', he would be a Brit there. Plus, he is not even a 'Paki'. But he is an Indian/Pakistani in the land of his birth; at least as far as common people are concerned. Something similar happened to African Indians. They are called Indians in Africa but they become Africans in India. Flip-Flop, Flop-Flip.

Malaysian Chinese are a similar group. As far as the majority of people in go, these are just “Chinese”. However, if these land at the Beijing airport, they immediately become Malaysians. Why? Strange.

Arab-Americans are just Americans in the Middle East and African-Americans are just Americans in Africa.

I think being an FFF sucks! You do not have a real home and a place where you feel really comfortable in. The indigenous people in every culture will always see you as coming from another place no matter where you go.

One man's heaven is another man's hell.

Most human beings do not create dreams independently. Most of us lack information as to where we should be heading in order to attain maximum satisfaction, and we form goals that are often dictated by society- our parents, fellow students, relatives and friends. We want to be doctors or lawyers, or actors because these are respected professions according to what people around us tell us. We want to be respected. So, we choose one of them as "our goal". However, most often than not, we were nudged into such goal by nothing but peer pressure, and advice from people who know, or think they know, better than we do.

The same goes for countries. Few people venture into unknown/uncharted territories. Most of us want to avoid countries that are seen as "bad", unprestigious or unknown. That is why we want to go where everybody else goes, someplace that is classy and "in", so that next time when we are at a dinner table, and are telling our friends that we had been living in such and such a place, they will say "Wow"! If we work in Rome, or Hong Kong, or New York, or even Dubai, it is better than being in Bratislava or Asuncion,or Libreville; or so we think. No one will say "wow" if we go there. Plus, human nature prefers something known to something unknown, so we follow the crowd. By doing that, we often end up in expensive places where job competition is high and where people are unfriendly. Or worse, we find ourselves living in cultures where we do not quite feel comfortable with the people, hence, our stay there becomes miserable.

A friend of mine is an old-time resident of Thailand, and, for years he had been convincing me to move there, find work and live a happy life ever after. He sang praises to the country, the friendliness of its people, the beauty of the women and the exquisiteness of the Thai culture in general. So, since he was one of my best friends, one day I decided to take the plunge, and obtained a job in the Kingdom. It proved to be a disaster. I am very good at languages and I became fluent in Thai within a year. I studied the culture thoroughly, but, in spite of all my efforts, I could not help feeling that I made a severe mistake by moving there. Something about Thailand and "me" simply did not click. My personality, my character, my whole set of values were completely different. Thais like quiet and discreet people. I am gregarious and talkative. Thai people like neat and polite people. I am by nature sloppy and straight-to-the-point. Thai people do not like intellectual discussions, but prefer to speak "ngai-ngai" -just chit-chat. Knowledge is a personal thing to them. I am very much into knowledge, expression, conversation, etc. They are not. Thai people like people who dress in nice clothes; I do not dress in nice clothes. I can adjust to the culture but it implies changing myself too much. It goes against everything that I am. Hence, they did not like me so much. And the feeling was mutual.

In other words, it was a complete mismatch. Thailand and I simply did not connect. This was when I realized that the Thai dream was my friend's dream, and what was good for him was simply not good for me. Duh! One man's meat is another man's poison, as they say. No matter how hard I tried to live a normal life in Thailand, the culture was as alien to me as it could ever get. And it was not just the East/ West thing. I lived in some very traditional areas of Japan and I seemed to relate to people quite well. With Thailand it was just total incompatibility.

When I arrived in the Philippines some years later, a country that is not on many a travelers' list, I felt like I was a hand, and the Philippines was a glove. I fit right in. The way people behaved, talked, acted with friends, the way they sang songs and carried on discussions was very similar to the way I did the same things. Filipinos dressed modestly, so did I. They were intellectual, so was I. They enjoyed someone who was a joker, a talkative and gregarious person. Unlike in Thailand where they would always tell me to "shut up", the Filipinos wanted me to talk more and would sit there and listen to me for hours. They liked me and I liked them. I was like a star to them. Or so I felt. Whereas in Thailand I always felt that I was somewhat of a nuisance.

When I invited my Thailand-based friend to come over to the Philippines to visit the country, he did just that, but he felt out of place. He and the Filipinos simply did not "chime". Something was missing for him there. He became distressed and ended up going back to Thailand. So, while Thailand was good for him, I wound up living in the Philippines on and off for 15 years after that. We ( the Philippines and I) simply 'clicked'. Thailand and I, on the other had, did not click at all.

The moral of the story is this: just because a country is in the news and everybody including your best friend is singing praises to it, it does not mean that it will necessarily be a good country for 'YOU'. Go there and see how you and the people there "jive". It may or may not be a good match. Ask yourself how you feel there after a few weeks or so. There is that certain something that you will feel. It is kind of like ' love'. An affinity.You will feel the same when you meet a person of the opposite sex that you are considering falling in love with. Either there is chemistry or there isn't. If you force it, it will be pure misery, even if your parents think it's a match made in heaven.

Do not live another man's dream by blindly following him to a country X. You may adopt bits and pieces of the dream, maybe, his general approach to making such international dreams come true, his pioneer spirit and courage to move to another place, but it will have to be tweaked somewhat to fit your own requirements, including going to a whole different country to live, if necessary. What may be a good place for him, may turn out to be a total hell for you. Also, try and venture a bit off the beaten path. A job in Lithuania rather than in the Czech republic, for example, may be the best thing that has ever happened to you. Everybody was going to Prague, but you found out that Vilnius was where you belonged more. Some of your friends grimaced " Where is that?" , but you did not shrink away from the place because it was not as glamorous as moving to Prague. Later, you may learn that it may have been the best decision you have ever made.

Dare to be different. Follow your dreams even if you do not know 'where' they will come true. It is still better than blindly following another person's itinerary.